Counsellor Adofoli has explained to couples why it’s dangerous for them to keep in touch with their ex spouses.
In a long post on Facebook, Counsellor Adofoli wrote;
“When it comes to the issue of Exes, I wish people will be honest and sincere. Who is an Ex, someone you have ended a love relationship with. In other words, the relationship is dead or has expired, it has no life so you don’t feed it. Who in their right sense will keep feeding a dead animal, knowing its dead.
Entertaining is feeding, once the animal eats the food then it is not dead. In another sense the one people call an Ex is not really an Ex because the relationship is still very much alive.
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Again, when you are done with a relationship, it does not mean your brain has been formatted or the memories you had with your Ex has been deleted. Why will you want to give attention to someone you want to leave behind? Entertaining them means you don’t want to let them go.
The fact that you ended a relationship with someone does not make the person your enemy. Ideally, one is expected to learn from that relationship and move on. Leave the relationship in the past. An Ex is never a future or present of anyone unless the said person is not an Ex as perceived.
You are supposed to build your relationship with your new partner, bond with them, get to know them, create memories etc. The way we talk and interact with others show the kind of relationship you have with them. If the relationship is dead, there is nothing to talk about when your Ex calls or vice versa.
Strangely, we have people in committed relationships who are constantly entertaining their Exes, they talk with them for minutes and hours on end. Talking about what? The past of course, reliving the memories, missing each other, re-binding with them.
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These are the people who defend their Exes, protect them and make their current partner feel like they mean nothing to them. Yet these people will not be happy if their partners entertain their Exes.
People guilty of this behaviour try to make statements such as your Ex is not your enemy, others say it is not Christian etc. To those people, the synonym of an Ex is not enemy, they can make good use of their dictionary. It is however unchristian to live a life of dishonesty. It’s unchristian to be advocating unhealthy relationships.
The Bible says “Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” – 1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV). Having an Ex as a friend is a bad company and it will corrupt your good character. It has the power to make you cheat on your partner.
Lastly, read Matthew 5:30 (MSG) which says “Let’s not pretend this is easier than it really is. If you want to live a morally pure life, here’s what you have to do: You have to blind your right eye the moment you catch it in a lustful leer. You have to choose to live one-eyed or else be dumped on a moral trash pile.
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And you have to chop off your right hand the moment you notice it raised threateningly. Better a bloody stump than your entire being discarded for good in the dump.
It’s unchristian to entertain your Ex and I hope the above scripture helps them. I am sorry for the long thesis. I am not the regular Christian Counselor as many think or believe.
For the baby fathers and baby mothers, the conversation is about your child and not you as a person. Don’t use the child as a care of to bond with your Ex. If you still want your Ex, go for it but don’t lead others on.”
