1. Chill out.
In those first few weeks of a relationship, you might want to talk to the object of your desire every day, but texting non-stop can form a pseudo-intimacy. But before you realize they’re not the one for you, you’re already digitally addicted to them.
Go slow. Take time, at least a day or so, between texts, calls, and dates to give yourself the space to reflect on who that person is.
2. Keep busy.
The fuller your life is, the less chained to your phone you will be. If you’re starting to worry because it’s been an hour and they haven’t texted back, instead of anxiously checking your phone every few minutes or firing off that annoying, “Where are you? Why are you texting me back?” message, divert your attention elsewhere.
Phone a friend, go for a walk, hit the gym, or turn your phone off for an hour to get a little distance.
3. Stop decoding.
You can come up with all of these reasons why they haven’t texted back and concoct story after story in your head — i.e., she’s with another man, he’s not into me, etc. — but this thought process is a waste of time and energy.
They might be busy. Or, maybe they are not that into you. Either way, you can’t control it, so there’s no sense in worrying about it.
If you suspect something is up, talk to them. Don’t try to decode it by their texting habits.
Photo: astarot via Shutterstock
4. Remember, stuff does happen.
Phones get lost. Phones lose service. Phones go dead. Phones fall in toilets. Phones get left at bars. Who hasn’t this happened to?
If they use this excuse for not replying to a text fast enough, believe it. Go into these situations believing the person is innocent until proven guilty.
If it happens repeatedly, you have a cause for concern. But once or twice? That is normal. Unless there are other reasons not to trust them, you need to give the benefit of the doubt.
5. Never text these 3 sentences.
- “We need to talk.”
- “I think we should break up.”
- “Why aren’t you texting me back?”
If you need to talk, seriously want to break up, or are upset over texting issues, it needs to be addressed offline, either on the phone or in person. Texting should never be for serious conversations, discussions, or working out the kinks in your relationship. Too many things can be misconstrued via text, so if you need to go over anything important, pick up the phone instead.
6. Never blow up someone’s phone.
If they don’t reply after two texts, stop texting.
Sending someone ten texts in a row, especially when your messages are increasingly angry or worried, makes you look needy. Chill.
If they don’t text back after the first or second text, sending eight more won’t make them text back faster. No one likes their phone getting blown up with double texts.
7. Understand the natural slowdown.
Couples need to understand the natural flow of new relationships. We get a dopamine rush early on, and it makes us want to see and talk to the person all the time, but it soon levels off naturally, and for some, that can be scary.
At first, they’re texting you every day, then one day goes by when they can’t, and you panic.
Don’t panic. Breathe. The slowdown is normal.
